Edit: Happy April Fools, everyone! Glad to see so many of you enjoyed it!
Welcome to Pokemon of the Week! This week we're bumping stupid Blaziken out of his spot because who really cares about such a boring Pokemon anyway? This week, we're focusing on a Pokemon so strong, no one dares try to tame it for use in a Pokemon battle. This week, we focus on Male Combee.
Male Combee is so powerful that it refuses to evolve. You might think Vespiquen is in charge, but in reality, male Combee just lets her think that so he doesn't have to deal with her nagging. When it's raining outside, Combee goes out anyway because weather doesn't tell Combee what to do. If you ever see a male Combee, it's best to lay down and accept your fate. It will all be over soon.
It's not an official ban, but rather, and unspoken rule that no one can use Male Combee in battle. We all know what happens if you do, and it's no fun to win immediately just because you have Male Combee. It learns four moves naturally but can be taught other moves, because Combee's intelligence is far beyond that of any ordinary Pokemon. Here is the set that breaks competitive battling in half:
Male nature (+Pit stains, -Makeup)
EVs: 252 Male / 252 Combee / 4 Not Having A Dumb Evolution
If you truly want to know how you die, look no further. Male Combee's assortment of deadly moves is the most terrifying threat this world has ever seen. Bug Buzz is Combee's way of taunting you, immediately setting in the panic of knowing that it is somewhere nearby. Maybe you didn't take my advice to play dead, and you've decided to run? Air Cutter allows Combee to shred the air in the space that you occupy, ripping your body to pieces. If you're smart, you've laid down and accepted your fate. If this is the case, Combee is more generous, slowly Mud-Slaping you to death and blinding you to the terrible fate you cannot escape.
But maybe... you've decided to fight? Maybe you think you can win? Perhaps all the stories were just myths? What could Combee possibly do...? This is where Combee brings out its full force with Ominous Wind, a bone-chilling breeze that causes a paralysis-inducing fear. Watch in horror as the Ominous Wind summons the specters of Combee's previous victims. You can't blink now. They're coming for you.
If you're crazy enough to seek death out, the least I can do is provide a map for you to follow. On a desolate, barren route in Kalos, Combee can be found on Route 4. Don't mind the corpses of the foolish adventurers before you; you're about to join them. It begins with a buzz.
Combee will not tolerate your shenanigans today. It will not hear any of this crap about Vespiquen, or Beedrill, or whatever you think can save you. Your pleas will fall on deaf ears. Because Combee doesn't have ears. The rapture is coming. And it smells like Honey.
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