Reported by Typhlosion on Mon 25 Dec 2006 20:04:56 UTC
Last updated by Typhlosion on Wed 21 Jul 2010 14:35:26 UTC

From the Name Rater. One of them anyway.

This news item is more than 45 days old. Updates are unlikely and newer information may already be available.

"Easy," I replied. "There are no lovely members. They're all swines. I can sit here and watch Deal Or No Deal in peace, whilst simultaneously get annoyed that I don't have a Wii."

"I meant all the members."

"Oh damn. Mother, pour me another glass."

So here be that Christmas message what rears it's ugly head out on this special day. I'm by no means a nice person, I'm by no means a person who rates names half as often as he could, and I'm probably one of the only people in the country who had a Pot Noodle for half of his Christmas Dinner.

Christmas is not necessarily a time for families. It's not a time for presents (although let's be honest, we'd all sulk without them) and it's not a time to eat and drink yourself to that Boxing Day hangover. Christmas is merely a time to sit down, relax and realise what a mess you've made of the preceding year. Christmas is the time to once again realise that the BBC are the most corrupt organisation in the country, bar Tesco. But most importantly, Christmas is a time to realise how lucky you are. Just remember for me. Remember how many children there are out there who will have received a donated shoe box this merry day and will still be on cloud nine from it. Remember how many children might have had a whole clean glass of water for a special treat today and will sleep soundly tonight knowing that. Remember how many children out there will have received a substandard christmas, but will be so delighted following the Farepak disaster.

Hold the thought. I should have made them promise I could be the Deal Or No Deal banker in the upcoming Chatroom game for me doing this.

Bring the thought back. How lucky have you been today? Tomorrow you will wake up and be thoroughly depressed at the thought of a 364 day wait until Christmas 2007. I want you all to sit down tonight and think about what a great day you've had. The dinner you've eaten, the presents you've got. And this last point applies to everyone, even if you don't believe in Christmas and have merely been annoyed at the shops closing today:

Be happy.

For perhaps the only time this year, this world we live in that turns around and stabs you in the back, before dealing you bad hand after bad hand will stop the hurt. For just today, the bad news on the TV and the horror and crime in the world will stop. It is a harsh world, but we should thank a higher force for giving us days like these. Thanks for Christmas, regardless of your religion. Thanks for giving us some time out to forget about the big bad world and just enjoy ourselves, regardless of who is or isn't with us. But most importantly:

Thanks for the alcohol.

Merry Christmas Everyone. I hope to be rating more nicknames than ever next year, and annoying you all twice as much in the process.

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